Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
