i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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