That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
