Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
