i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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