I wish I could punch you in the face.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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