I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this just has baby written all over it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
