No subtext here. People are naked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
