Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
