Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
