I'm going to jail i love you
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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