Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
