Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is not my ceiling
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
