I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
