talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
