There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize