Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
