You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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