mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
