She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
