who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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