tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
