Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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