non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
