fuck your aforementioned shoe
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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