You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
