Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
false alarm. still invincible.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
