Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
