I think I am morally bankrupt
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
