Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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