1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
