Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
