Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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