Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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