It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
