??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
