I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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