R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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