She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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