Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
