My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize