I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
