Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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(917): View more from New York City

i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me

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(330): View more from Ohio

Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

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(415): View more from California

I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.

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(519): View more from Ontario

You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything

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(586): View more from Michigan

im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS

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