do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
