I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
