im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
