it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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