Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize