she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
