I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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