im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
