Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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