Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dicks are not precious.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
