dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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