It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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