You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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