Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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