I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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