I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
