i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
