Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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