My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
