by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
