how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
