She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
