i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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