im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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