did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wear drunk well.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
