i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
