i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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