maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize