Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I looked at my own cervix.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
