Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize